Balance

Balance...

Realizing how much I really need to have balance in every aspect of my life.
From school to work. From family to friendships. From doing to being. From being in the church to living in the world. And it goes all the way down to caring and caring too much, working and working too much, serving to smothering. As of lately I've been feeling extremely heavy with this thought that I have no idea what balance looks like or how to walk it out. The only thing that keeps me sane through my combustion of negative thoughts is my time with Jesus. Through the word and prayer, I'm reminded that 1) He needs to be the first thing I seek (which is a major DUH because I've noticed that there's been such a difference in my attitude when I turn to prayer and the word over wallowing in my thoughts) 2) I'm not supposed to do this alone. So this is my attempt at asking for prayer. There's a raging war going on in my head since the beginning of the year... Please pray as you feel led.

With so much love from your silly MIA sister,
Celine

I AM BEAUTIFUL.

Finally for the first time in my life, I believe it. For the first time in my life I believe with all my heart that I AM BEAUTIFUL. I have such a precious beauty that nothing in this world could ever duplicate. My beauty comes from knowing exactly who I am and walking boldly in my identity. Brokenness, blemishes, scars, pimples, love handles and all, I am perfect. No magazine cover will tell me otherwise. No boy will cause me to doubt. No lack of approval will cause me to reconsider.

The lesson I’ve been learning over and over the last couple of days is that no dress, skirt, hat, necklace, boots, blouse can or will ever define that beauty for me. Because of that, I’ve resolved to give up shopping completely for an entire year. I already have everything that I need.

Personal style isn’t and was never about having the newest fashions. PERSONAL style is about YOU. You define what fashion is. Not the other way around. You make the outfit. The outfit NEVER makes you. A lesson I’ve always known but somehow forgot. Somewhere in between allowing myself to be consumed with materialism and believing in this idea that I didn’t have enough.

I realize now that I HAVE WAY MORE THAN ENOUGH. The God of the universe calls me  DAUGHTER and BELOVED. While sitting on a mountain top in awe of the beauty of the world, I realized that the same way I am in awe of the world’s beauty the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE is looking down at me with the same delight times a bajillion. i’ve been set free from the worry of trying to be… Finally, I JUST AM. “I don’t live for approval. I live FROM approval.” I’ve been approved by the King of all kings and His love for me is enough.

Ps. The message in my fortune cookie, for the very first time, was SPOT on! Go figure. That beauty was in me all along. PRAISE THE LORD for allowing me to finally see it.

I surrender who I've been for who You are

Turning page- Sleeping at last

I've been obsessed with this song! This is currently my song to Jesus. The lyrics are so beautiful. If I were to write Jesus a love song, it would go something like this:

I’ve waited a hundred years.
But I’d wait a million more for you.
Nothing prepared me for
What the privilege of being yours would do.
If I had only felt the warmth within your touch,
If I had only seen how you smile when you blush,
Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough,
I would have known what I was living for all along.
What I’ve been living for.

Your love is my turning page,
Where only the sweetest words remain.
Every kiss is a cursive line,
Every touch is a redefining phrase.

I surrender who I’ve been for who you are,
For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours,
Well, I would have known what I’ve been living for all along.
What I’ve been living for.

Though we’re tethered to the story we must tell,
When I saw you, well, I knew we’d tell it well.
With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas.
Like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees.

Poopy Day (half kidding)

I want to write about my day but I don’t even know where to start. From the moment I woke up I was frustrated. Well not exactly from the moment I woke up. I’ve been waking up really happy actually. I’ve been well rested and have been going to bed with a thankful heart. So today started off the same way as it has been. However, as I walked into the kitchen to make some coffee I was greeted by my roommates’ friend. He’s been a guest at our apartment for the last few months. Coming by a few times a week. I knew I was beginning to feel uncomfortable with him being around especially after he told me he liked me two weeks ago. Somehow I convinced myself that he was going to let it go. As much as I would like to vent about this really awkward situation/ relationship with this guy, it will have to be shared another time and maybe not on my blog just in case I end up saying something hurtful. Well, after we both said our goodmornings, he asked how I slept. I responded by saying “good. I was totally knocked out.” And he says “oh haha I know. I saw.” (ew). So I asked “you saw? How?” and he said “well I guess Katie left your door open when she went to work this morning so when I walked by I peeked in.”  Then I said, “I see” and awkwardly walked back to my room.

I know this situation doesn’t seem like a big enough deal to let ruin my day. But for some reason, I let it put me in such a sour mood for the rest of the morning. I felt so grossed out and violated. (there’s been other things that he has been doing around me that added to me feeling that way). So I left to work convinced that everything will get better. I mean, I had work with my coworker and bible study to look forward to!

So I get to work and was greeted by my boss. Apparently my coworker called in sick and I knew exactly what that meant. My boss was going to leave at 3 and I was going to be stuck taking care of the mid day rush… ALONE. Honestly, this isn’t new to me and I wouldn’t have been upset with working alone on a Saturday night if my boss hadn’t asked me to finish up with the rest of the floor display as she was walking out of the store. Lame right? Why didn’t I say sorry I can’t I have some where to be tonight? Because I suck at saying no. and I’m sure my boss didn’t expect it to be as busy as it was when she asked me and because she has been a second mom to me for the last three years… I really have a hard time turning her down when she asks for help. So I decided to see it through. I would finish inventory and work on the floor display after the rush.

With lines at the fitting room and a line at the register, I was running back and forth trying to help everyone. Sometime in between helping people in the fitting room, waiting for a fitting rooms to open, helping people in line to check out, and helping people that needed styling advice- I had two people try to steal, I had someone call me a racist, and someone call me a lazy beezy- COOOOOOOOOL DUDE. The person that called me a racist was angry because I asked her to give me a second to let someone into the fitting room before ringing her up. It takes, oh about 20 seconds to do that. But I don’t know, something registered in her mind within those 20 seconds that told her that I’m a racist because I went to go let a white girl into the fitting room before checking her out and that she should probably tell me off.

There’s a mini story to everything that happened at work today but to save you from a bunch of silly venting- I'll cut to the reason why I was so upset all day. I was just upset with people! Some people are so ridiculous and mean! Why… why are people so mean!

AND why am I such a weenie!!!! As I was closing the store to finish the floor display I was thinking to myself, obviously. I was reflecting on the way I reacted to everything and I was just super down on myself. Just the other night I was so in love with Jesus. I had one of those super intimate moments with Him that brings me to tears just thinking about how much He loves me. I went to bed feeling like the luckiest girl in the world because I had such an awesome love. And the very next day, I almost forgot about it! I was super struggling with being kind and loving. I hated the thoughts I was having about these people. And what I hated the most was the lie I was listening to. The lie that told me that I’m not a good Christian because I don’t have the joy of the Lord in my moment of weakness. Something about listening to that lie totally crushed me and brought me to tears before making it out of the store.

I’ve been so on top of the world lately and it’s because I’ve been renewed everyday for the last few weeks with a new perspective of how much God loves me. I’ve been really blessed. And because of that, I’ve made a conscious effort to extend Christ’s love in everything that I do and to put into practice what I’ve been learning. And clearly, I did just the opposite yesterday. I’m still processing what I’m supposed to learn from today’s event. I went to visit one of my coworkers before going home and felt a lot better after venting to her. She reminded me of various times where Jesus had righteous anger and told me that just because we’re a Christian does not mean that we are called to never feel angry towards the brokenness of the world. I’m just telling myself that today was one day and tomorrow will be another. I’m still processing everything and would love your input. I’m feeling a lot better and am looking forward to being in fellowship as soon as I get through work tomorrow. Can’t wait to give you a hug!

Sexual Healing

Sexual Healing// Spoken Word

Prayer requests

please pray for:

My family's healing and that they will come to know Christ. not just know Him but really have a life transforming encounter with him.

My heart. Please pray that I will not allow myself to become distracted and grow weary during this season of singleness that I've committed to God. And for this season that I've committed, please pray that I really discipline myself to press into His love on a daily basis, and that all my desires and longings to be loved will be satisfied by Him and only Him. I want my heart's desire to be Him and only Him. One day, I would like to be able to honestly say that I am completely satisfied with a life of singleness because I know that I am walking with my First Love daily.

Please pray for more direction in regards to my life after college. (I strongly believe that I'm being called out of the country between 2013- 2014. If this is really from the Lord may there be grace for me to do so).


Please pray that I stay faithful to a life of prayer and worship. That my heart does not harden from all the injustices I see and that I will never give into the normalization of all things evil. I've been brushing off/ accepting things contradictory beliefs that friends and family stand for instead of sharing truth with them.And I don't like it :(

<3 Celine